008 - public, voice...word-vomit ahoy

[intofireforever]

I'm glad that's over. It was terrifying. I don't know why I thought it was the owls' doing. It felt nothing like that. That thing seriously messed with my head, and I've had more than enough of that for one lifetime...

...After-lifetime? I don't know. Whatever it should be called. I might have a pulse here, but I don't consider myself alive. No deal I could make here would bring me back in my world, and I think I prefer it that way. The White Lodge is peaceful, and there's no pain there. I've been tormented and abused since the time I was four or five years old. Death is better than that, even death at seventeen. So as terrible as this place can be, I'm grateful for it because it let me ascend to the White Lodge. I don't think I could ever completely hate it here, even after things like this.

Wanda? Are you feeling better now? I know I was screwed up at the time, too, but I still feel like I completely failed you. I miss Paddy, you know. He was a better father-figure to me than my real one. I feel so lost as a warden sometimes and I wish he could give me some advice. I think I'd do better by you if he was here to help, even though he made a big mistake with me that one time. He was mostly right on the mark and knew exactly what I needed.

I'm sorry I'm not as helpful to you as I feel I could be, but I really, really care about you. I'm doing my very best.

Comments

[bitteraftertaste]

I'm sorry, Laura.

[scarlet_discord]

I'm okay, I'm all right, kind of pissed off, but I'm trying to keep from thinking about wanting to kick the ass of whoever poisoned us all. Because I don't want to be like Magneto. That's where I was headed. Crazy, murderous and obsessed with revenge. It's true. If we hate hard enough we become the thing we hate.

Gaheris got me out. He's yet another one of those guys I wish I could come back for in a damn time machine after I drop all my baggage. There's like five of 'em here. Honey, you don't even know. Couple girls too. Not as much my thing but I'm cool with it. Did I tell you about that Flood where I fell out of, like, three closets at once?

Anyway, he got me out, but there was some danger because I thought he was Magneto and that he'd killed Rhade and I almost...except I didn't. I chose not to.

Have you ever thought of visiting Paddy? Because I want to visit lots of people here. Once I've, you know, healed up and stuff.

First I have to figure out where I'm going, though. I don't know what to do about that. I keep looking but I feel kinda lost.

[love_slave]

It's better than where I was, too, but that's hard to say.

[Also, you're talking a lot too, Laura.] The White Lodge?

[yeahscience]

It's good to get reminded not everyone hates it here. I'm pretty sure I'm going to be here for at least the next twenty years or so, so I guess it's, like... better to start looking at the positives now.

[darknessb4me]

The living have no perspective anyway.

You worry me.