I'm not giving up on everyone. I can't. If I do I have no reason to do anything even remotely heroic. I can't go reminding myself that most of the people in any given situation are selfish and thoughtless and wouldn't return the favor when I save them from something. I have to focus on reminding myself that some of them are good and deserving, or at least have good and deserving relatives who would be hurt if they lost them.
[She swallows the lump in her throat.] I don't know if there's anyone out there who will love me and be loyal. I have to hang my hopes on myself, because life doesn't give people what they deserve. And really I feel like another serious disappointment right now is gonna push me away from people altogether. It's part of why I stopped dating.
I know not everyone's gonna disappoint me. But...
[She has to finish her toddy while she gathers her thoughts. She slides it toward the bartender on duty and orders a Grasshopper.]
I know better now than to automatically take someone at their word when they call themselves a hero, a leader or a public servant. I know better now than to subordinate myself to any person or organization. I'll cooperate with people, I'll support people, but...I won't be their subject. I won't let myself get put in the same situation I'm forced into here. I won't be joining the X-Men or the Avengers or SHIELD or anything like that. I won't be cooperating with any governments or otherwise giving some out-of-touch higher-up the chance to fuck me over or trick me into doing something evil.
[She goes quiet as Laura talks about Paddy and what she did.]
I can...see why you would do something bad to push the guy away. The idea has gone through my head, you know? You get screwed enough by the Warden system, and see so many so-called good guys do so many stupid, arrogant, insensitive or even evil things, and...well. In my case, I really didn't want someone else getting a Wish when I'm the one who has worked my ass off and suffered trying to satisfy your crazy asshole boss for so damn long.
But you don't have to worry about me doing that. Freeing this guy Cooper sounds like a worthy cause to me, and I don't want to fuck things up for you either.
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sarken
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Date: 2013-01-05 09:59 pm (UTC)[She swallows the lump in her throat.] I don't know if there's anyone out there who will love me and be loyal. I have to hang my hopes on myself, because life doesn't give people what they deserve. And really I feel like another serious disappointment right now is gonna push me away from people altogether. It's part of why I stopped dating.
I know not everyone's gonna disappoint me. But...
[She has to finish her toddy while she gathers her thoughts. She slides it toward the bartender on duty and orders a Grasshopper.]
I know better now than to automatically take someone at their word when they call themselves a hero, a leader or a public servant. I know better now than to subordinate myself to any person or organization. I'll cooperate with people, I'll support people, but...I won't be their subject. I won't let myself get put in the same situation I'm forced into here. I won't be joining the X-Men or the Avengers or SHIELD or anything like that. I won't be cooperating with any governments or otherwise giving some out-of-touch higher-up the chance to fuck me over or trick me into doing something evil.
[She goes quiet as Laura talks about Paddy and what she did.]
I can...see why you would do something bad to push the guy away. The idea has gone through my head, you know? You get screwed enough by the Warden system, and see so many so-called good guys do so many stupid, arrogant, insensitive or even evil things, and...well. In my case, I really didn't want someone else getting a Wish when I'm the one who has worked my ass off and suffered trying to satisfy your crazy asshole boss for so damn long.
But you don't have to worry about me doing that. Freeing this guy Cooper sounds like a worthy cause to me, and I don't want to fuck things up for you either.