004 - various filters and formats
Nov. 15th, 2012 11:46 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
intofireforever[VIDEO, Private to Wanda]
[Laura is smiling, hopeful. She's going to knock this out of the park, by God. She's going to do right by Wanda, like Paddy did for her. Too many people have fucked Wanda over already.]
Hello, Wanda Maximoff? I'm not sure if you've seen the Admiral's pairing announcement, but I'm your new warden. My name's Laura Palmer.
I've already read your file, and I'd like to meet with you at your earliest convenience. What would be the best time for you?
[TEXT, Private to the Admiral]
I need a copy of my own inmate file, please. As soon as possible.
Thank you.
[Laura is smiling, hopeful. She's going to knock this out of the park, by God. She's going to do right by Wanda, like Paddy did for her. Too many people have fucked Wanda over already.]
Hello, Wanda Maximoff? I'm not sure if you've seen the Admiral's pairing announcement, but I'm your new warden. My name's Laura Palmer.
I've already read your file, and I'd like to meet with you at your earliest convenience. What would be the best time for you?
[TEXT, Private to the Admiral]
I need a copy of my own inmate file, please. As soon as possible.
Thank you.
[spam] 3 of 3
Date: 2012-11-18 08:16 pm (UTC)I realized then that the only thing I could do was to do it all myself. The handful of actually caring people on the Barge was nice to have, but they couldn't be relied on. The first thing I did was go to the Infirmary and bug them until they put me on some goddamn medication. I had asked Steph before our unpairing to have a look at my file, and I took a picture of the graduation requirements page so I could study it. I also started training even harder. I had to be ready to defeat anyone who came after me. Besides, having a social life with people I planned to leave behind as soon as possible seemed pointless.
But the Admiral wasn't done torturing me. I went down the list of graduation requirements, at everything I had worked and sacrificed for, and found there was one last thing I had to do. I had to regain my faith in people. Here. In this fucking shithole where I had lost my faith in authority, lovers, family and almost everyone else. [Her lips twist bitterly, and she almost knocks over her glass reaching for it.] So I started spending time thinking on it, and figuring out who was a trustworthy friend, who was fair-weather at best, who was indifferent, and who I couldn't wait to get out of my life. The first group was tiny. The last...was not. But I tried to focus on the few I really could have some faith in, and cultivate the hope that out in the real world, whatever world I landed in, there were more people around worth having faith in than in this place.
Then my third Warden showed up, I get paired, he seemed to at least understand psychological issues and was protective and there when I needed him. He supported my efforts. I started to hope a little bit. Then, three weeks later, Franklin showed back up. As a Warden. And instead of announcing himself, he decided to stalk me into the CES and surprise me there. I don't know what he expected to happen. Maybe he was reading too much Twilight and figured I would swoon even after all the bad treatment. [Her expression hardens briefly.] Instead I knocked him on his ass and had to restrain myself from killing him. Once he scuttled away I was pretty proud of myself, and I told my friends and Warden what had happened. My few real friends were proud. My Warden? He started swearing on the comm channel, got more upset than I was--and then he packed up and left. That same fucking night.
[She stops and forces herself to drink down the contents of her glass so she can calm down before speaking again.]
Since that time, the only thing I could do was continue trying to graduate myself, like Rhade did. Sometimes good things happened, like when Kon helped me get back to the Barge on the slave planet. Or when Rhade agreed to watch my back while I was fixing the Barge after that bitch and the AssHatter made us crash. He ended up fighting off Arthas, who had come up to murder me for standing up to him. So that was good. Gave me some hope. But...not enough, because I'm still stuck here.
[She settles back with a grim sort of smile, and winces as something in her back pops.] The Admiral is a lying sadist who pretends to be out to "redeem" us while torturing us for his own entertainment. The system here has fucking failed me. I have worked my ass off--I still do. I have done everything required of me except the one thing that depends on other people. I have never lashed out or hurt anyone. But I have had it so much worse than many who came here as murderers--Lehnsherr in particular. I should be free by now. It's because of other people's failings that I'm not. But I keep trying, because I won't let the sonofabitch keep me, and I'm sick of having a bunch of people in authority over me. At this point, I'm being unjustly imprisoned by being held to an impossible requirement. The only thing that keeps me going besides meds and an incredibly regimented day is thinking about what I'll do once I'm free.
[She rubs her face tiredly.] That's pretty much it. Sorry it was so long, but I've been through a lot.
Re: [spam] 3 of 3
Date: 2012-11-19 02:51 am (UTC)[Laura sighed and rubbed at her forehead. That had taken a while, and just listening to it, with all of the misery it contained, had been draining.]
I know that the Admiral's motives are cloudy at best. I don't think he's a sadist, but I can't believe he always gives a shit, either. Maybe he has a boss, and we're just part of some quota he has to fill to make payday. Maybe his idea of morality doesn't match up with ours. Who's to say?
I don't know everyone you mentioned, but I agree, many of them did fail you, more than I can even begin to grasp. Some wardens--I don't know how many--aren't here for the right reasons. Some of them probably shouldn't even be wardens, here or anywhere else...if there are more places like this out there, somewhere.
[She takes a drink herself, finding her throat dry. This is a rather nerve-wracking for her, what she wants to do right now.]
You don't have any reason to believe me, and I'd actually be a little surprised if you did. But I'm not one of those people. I'm here for the right reasons. Even if the Admiral doesn't care, I do. I'm going to earn your trust.
[Another drink of water.]
I don't know if you knew Paddy Maguire. He used to run the dinner shift. When we were both inmates, we were friends, and when he graduated, he eventually ended up as my warden. I didn't believe him half the time when he told me he was here for the long haul, that he'd be here for as long as it would take. I actually tried to sabotage our pairing a few times, because if I could drive him away before he abandoned me, maybe it wouldn't hurt as much.
But he didn't leave. I did some fucked-up things to him, and there were times when he failed me, too, but he never gave up. I graduated with his help, and then he went home. He saved two lives with his deal. Three, if you count what he did for me.
I'm going to follow his example. I'm not willing to walk away when someone is counting on me. Like I said, there's no reason you should believe me. Talk is cheap. I'll prove it through my actions.
[spam]
Date: 2012-11-19 04:06 am (UTC)Well, you listen well to a hard story, I gotta give you that straight off. But it's true that I have to get to know people now before I trust them, and even then it's kind of a trust-by-degrees thing, you know?
The truth is that except for the mess in my head I'm pretty low maintenance. I need into the CES for the dog and the practice room for me on a daily basis, I need my meds, and all I really want that I can think of is a book on healing magic. I don't pick fights with people, the meanest I generally get is yelling at someone, and I have to be epically freaked out before my powers slip out of my control.
I'm not gonna say that my baggage won't matter in how we relate because, well, it's a thing and it's gonna be a good while before I can dump it all. But logically, I don't know that you won't keep your word either. So yeah...I uh mean...let's try this.
Re: [spam]
Date: 2012-11-19 04:20 am (UTC)I understand that you can't believe me right now. It's fine. I don't take that personally, because it's really hard for me to trust people, too.
[She takes a smaller sip this time, and sets the drink on the table before the couch so Wanda can't see the glass waver as her hands begin to shake.]
There's something Paddy did for me that made it easier for me to trust him. I could tell you that I understand your pain, that I empathize, but that's a laughable gesture. It's lip service. It would be harder to believe that than it is to trust that I won't let you down, right?
[Laura retrieves something beside the couch. It's a file folder, and her name is stamped on the tab.]
This is my inmate file. I think you have a right to read it, after I read yours. Just...promise me that what's inside stays between us. Even if we fight, even if we get angry with each other.
[She holds the file in front of Wanda, trying to keep her hand steady.]
You have to read it here. This folder can't ever leave my room. Ever.
[spam]
Date: 2012-11-19 05:20 am (UTC)It's like...I know there are good people out there. I don't deal in absolutes anywhere near as much as I used to. But it's hard to be a really good person, and it's just as hard to single them out in the crowd.
[She stares at the file, and accepts it gingerly, then nods and holds up her hand.]
You've got it. Confidences are confidences, and if I break this one I hope karma kicks my ass hard and fast.
[She nods, instantly alerted to the idea that the file now on her lap contains Horrible Shit. Laura just dealt with hers without judging. She opens the file, planning to do the same. She's a fast reader, and proud of that after struggling for months, but this time she has to go back and reread some of it just to be sure it says what she thinks it says.]
[One thing she's not lacking in, at least when not severely pissed off, is empathy. Her face falls, and she rubs the base of her throat nervously.]
...holy crap you've toughed your way through a lot of Hell.
Re: [spam]
Date: 2012-11-19 07:23 am (UTC)I want you to know that I understand. About your father. I forgave mine because there was something inside him that made him sick. That same something caused me to do horrible things to the people I loved, too.
[She folds her hands together on her lap.]
If I were you, though, I don't think I could ever forgive yours. There was no parasite twisting his mind and making him ill before he did what he did to you. I don't expect you to forgive him. It wouldn't be fair.
[She's not sure if Wanda would want her to call him "your father."]
You will need to come to some kind of peace with the hell he put you through, someday, but only for your own sake....so you can move on and live a life where he can't torment you anymore. He might not deserve that much, but more important than that is that you don't deserve to live that way, letting your memories of him hurt you at every turn. It will eat you alive. You need to put you first.
[spam]
Date: 2012-11-20 05:09 am (UTC)No. Magneto's evil comes from him. Yes, he's messed up from what was done to him, but so am I, and I don't go around breaking people. My brother I can kind of forgive because he's pretty damn brainwashed, but not him. He chose. He continues to choose. I am glad you don't want me to forgive him, because even if I forced my mind to accept that, it wouldn't stick. I've tried.
[She rubs her face.]
Once I get out of here I'm planning to spend a long period just...learning, and healing. Catching up on my education, all the dumb crap like driving a car and balancing a checkbook and getting to class on time. Maybe build some houses with my powers. Things like that. I guess some things, you know, like learning something or getting in better shape or getting your head together...just take time and effort.
You just shared a lot of personal stuff, but...there's one thing I gotta ask. It's OK if you don't feel like answering. But I'm a big one for worthy causes. Some Wardens are out to save someone or a group, or stop a disease, or build a charity. What are we working for besides my freedom?
Re: [spam]
Date: 2012-11-20 05:31 am (UTC)[Laura takes the file and sets it down on the table, beside her glass of water.]
I think your plans for the future are admirable. Start small, and take as much time as you need before you jump into something big. You'll be more well-adjusted for it, trust me.
As for my deal, you have every right to know what it is.
[She takes a deep breath.]
The thing that possessed my father, that wanted me for his next host, has taken the man who solved my murder. This isn't like it was for my father, where he only lost control part of the time. Agent Cooper is completely locked out of his own body, and...BOB...has access to all the privileges, resources and information at an FBI special agent's disposal.
[spam]
Date: 2012-11-20 06:02 am (UTC)Re: [spam]
Date: 2012-11-20 06:07 am (UTC)I don't want you to feel like you need to rush this so I can get my deal. This is still about helping you.
[spam]
Date: 2012-11-22 04:16 am (UTC)...sometimes doing the right thing is the only thing that makes me feel right inside.
Re: [spam]
Date: 2012-11-26 03:16 am (UTC)I understand completely. [That's part of the reason for the charity work.]