intofireforever: (all this killing time)
[personal profile] intofireforever
[VIDEO, Private to Wanda]

[Laura is smiling, hopeful. She's going to knock this out of the park, by God. She's going to do right by Wanda, like Paddy did for her. Too many people have fucked Wanda over already.]

Hello, Wanda Maximoff? I'm not sure if you've seen the Admiral's pairing announcement, but I'm your new warden. My name's Laura Palmer.

I've already read your file, and I'd like to meet with you at your earliest convenience. What would be the best time for you?


[TEXT, Private to the Admiral]


I need a copy of my own inmate file, please. As soon as possible.

Thank you.

[spam] 2 of 3

Date: 2012-11-18 08:14 pm (UTC)
scarlet_discord: (headsmack)
From: [personal profile] scarlet_discord
[A hard sigh.] It was at that point that I started to suspect that my Warden was in fact an idiot. And that this whole place was considerably different from what I had been told. I had slipped through the cracks. And after that, the more I paid attention, the more cracks in the whole structure of this place I started to see. Wardens not doing their jobs. Wardens being abusive. Wardens withholding privileges and information for no reason. The way so many Wardens stereotype and disdain Inmates. I had never done anything disruptive or harmful on the Barge; I did my job and went to my trainings. But I was treated with the same suspicion and hardline restrictions as someone like Arthas. I spoke out about it all in anger, and a crapload of Wardens circled the wagons and told me "shut up, kid, grow up and fuck you." Only one or two people would admit that I had any point at all. I m-mean... [She sips at her water to gather her nerves.] how dare I, a mere Inmate, criticize them? Eventually I stopped posting anything public at all. I just...gave up on the idea of being listened to by more than a tiny handful of people. It doesn't matter if you're right if nobody wants to hear you.

The whole time, I had started getting more and more flashbacks and blank moments. My Warden said this was to be expected and warned me that finding out why would be painful. But better that than dealing with the feelings without the context, right? So I asked for my file. And I read. And I found out everything. And my memories came back. I realized why I'd freaked out in Zero and with Franklin. I understood the flashbacks. Suddenly my feelings made sense...

...but then I had to deal with them.

Of course I got suicidal, flirted with too much drinking, became morose and hard to be around, all about what you'd fucking expect. My Warden couldn't handle it. He abandoned me. I got desperate, and latched on to Luke, and started a thing with him. I was hoping he'd protect me. But then he left too. I tried to handle it. I threw myself into my training. But bad things kept happening.

Rex Lewis, who was I thought a friend, decided to destroy the Barge in a bid for escape. And it basically stranded us in this weird place and turned us into the walking dead for three days. That little fucker was defiant to the end even as he left me miserable, powerless and not even alive. As soon as he came aboard, he fell into a coma. I demanded to know if he would be punished when he woke up. His Warden, Capa, was a douche about it. And then Rex disappeared. He came slinking back recently, the smug little creep, and isn't being required to pay for what he did.

I got paired with Steph then, and things were good for a while. We worked together well, we could talk, we got along, and I could ask her about hero stuff. Plus she's basically a nice person and has an actual brain. She even started boosting my powers incrementally, and I practiced like crazy so I could keep control of them. Eventually I got my full powers back, and started training even harder. I started to have hope that even though the Barge is a hellhole and the Admiral a damn sadist, and many of the Wardens corrupt or messed up or stupid, I could at least work with her and get where I needed to be. I even started to tackle the idea of dropping my vendetta against my father.

But even as I wrestled with the idea of letting that piece of crap get away with what he did to me, something really bad happened. Charles Xavier and Erik Lehnsherr showed up. And just like the Xavier on my world, this one was loyal to Lehnsherr. More open and blatant about it, in fact. He immediately started arguing that Lehnsherr should get his full powers back. The idea terrified me, and I had a breakdown. Steph went to explain to him that he was pretty much working to make one of my worst fears come true, and his basic response was "I'm sorry but I don't care." So I begged her to restrict them from bothering me so I wouldn't have to deal with them while I was handling everything else. And she went and told them to leave me alone.

Next thing I know, fucking Lehnsherr is at my door and Xavier is "bumping into me" in the hallway and cornering me for a chat. I tried to handle it and be civil, you know? But inside I was screaming. Just...screaming. [Her eyeliner is starting to look smeary.] It was too much like home. Lehnsherr turned out to be just as much of a pompous dick, and got pissed off when I refused to lash out at the Wardens. Xavier played at being sympathetic, just like in his visits in prison, but in the end he was just the same. The first one I used to beg for rescue, you know? Get me out of this horrible place. And he would say "I'm sorry Wanda, but your father has the legal right to do this and he believes this is best for you. I can't interfere." The second one, this one, I begged for telepathic help with the burden of all these fucked up memories. And again, his response boiled down to "I'm sorry you're hurting but I'm not going to help you."

It just kept getting worse. Keeps getting worse, really. Every day I see them--and believe me, I avoid them--I am reminded again that back home the two of them will never be punished for what they did or even see it as wrong. It made deciding to abandon revenge--to force myself to, by abandoning my world--a ton more painful. And this whole time I didn't have any sort of psych help or meds or anything. So I became suicidal again.

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Laura Palmer

September 2020

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