intofireforever | 004 - various filters and formats

004 - various filters and formats

[VIDEO, Private to Wanda]

[Laura is smiling, hopeful. She's going to knock this out of the park, by God. She's going to do right by Wanda, like Paddy did for her. Too many people have fucked Wanda over already.]

Hello, Wanda Maximoff? I'm not sure if you've seen the Admiral's pairing announcement, but I'm your new warden. My name's Laura Palmer.

I've already read your file, and I'd like to meet with you at your earliest convenience. What would be the best time for you?

[TEXT, Private to the Admiral]

I need a copy of my own inmate file, please. As soon as possible.

Thank you.

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Nobody believed that I was an inmate back when I was, either. People see what they want to see, and when you step out from their impression of you, you're a pariah.

[Laura sighed and rubbed at her forehead. That had taken a while, and just listening to it, with all of the misery it contained, had been draining.]

I know that the Admiral's motives are cloudy at best. I don't think he's a sadist, but I can't believe he always gives a shit, either. Maybe he has a boss, and we're just part of some quota he has to fill to make payday. Maybe his idea of morality doesn't match up with ours. Who's to say?

I don't know everyone you mentioned, but I agree, many of them did fail you, more than I can even begin to grasp. Some wardens--I don't know how many--aren't here for the right reasons. Some of them probably shouldn't even be wardens, here or anywhere else...if there are more places like this out there, somewhere.

[She takes a drink herself, finding her throat dry. This is a rather nerve-wracking for her, what she wants to do right now.]

You don't have any reason to believe me, and I'd actually be a little surprised if you did. But I'm not one of those people. I'm here for the right reasons. Even if the Admiral doesn't care, I do. I'm going to earn your trust.

[Another drink of water.]

I don't know if you knew Paddy Maguire. He used to run the dinner shift. When we were both inmates, we were friends, and when he graduated, he eventually ended up as my warden. I didn't believe him half the time when he told me he was here for the long haul, that he'd be here for as long as it would take. I actually tried to sabotage our pairing a few times, because if I could drive him away before he abandoned me, maybe it wouldn't hurt as much.

But he didn't leave. I did some fucked-up things to him, and there were times when he failed me, too, but he never gave up. I graduated with his help, and then he went home. He saved two lives with his deal. Three, if you count what he did for me.

I'm going to follow his example. I'm not willing to walk away when someone is counting on me. Like I said, there's no reason you should believe me. Talk is cheap. I'll prove it through my actions.

[Wanda looks a bit regretful when she realizes that the whole story was hard on Laura too. She seems really nice and Wanda doesn't want to make her life harder. But the story had to be told.]

Well, you listen well to a hard story, I gotta give you that straight off. But it's true that I have to get to know people now before I trust them, and even then it's kind of a trust-by-degrees thing, you know?

The truth is that except for the mess in my head I'm pretty low maintenance. I need into the CES for the dog and the practice room for me on a daily basis, I need my meds, and all I really want that I can think of is a book on healing magic. I don't pick fights with people, the meanest I generally get is yelling at someone, and I have to be epically freaked out before my powers slip out of my control.

I'm not gonna say that my baggage won't matter in how we relate because, well, it's a thing and it's gonna be a good while before I can dump it all. But logically, I don't know that you won't keep your word either. So yeah...I uh mean...let's try this.

I can give you access to everything on your list. I'll request the book before the day is out.

I understand that you can't believe me right now. It's fine. I don't take that personally, because it's really hard for me to trust people, too.

[She takes a smaller sip this time, and sets the drink on the table before the couch so Wanda can't see the glass waver as her hands begin to shake.]

There's something Paddy did for me that made it easier for me to trust him. I could tell you that I understand your pain, that I empathize, but that's a laughable gesture. It's lip service. It would be harder to believe that than it is to trust that I won't let you down, right?

[Laura retrieves something beside the couch. It's a file folder, and her name is stamped on the tab.]

This is my inmate file. I think you have a right to read it, after I read yours. Just...promise me that what's inside stays between us. Even if we fight, even if we get angry with each other.

[She holds the file in front of Wanda, trying to keep her hand steady.]

You have to read it here. This folder can't ever leave my room. Ever.

Thank you.

It's like...I know there are good people out there. I don't deal in absolutes anywhere near as much as I used to. But it's hard to be a really good person, and it's just as hard to single them out in the crowd.

[She stares at the file, and accepts it gingerly, then nods and holds up her hand.]

You've got it. Confidences are confidences, and if I break this one I hope karma kicks my ass hard and fast.

[She nods, instantly alerted to the idea that the file now on her lap contains Horrible Shit. Laura just dealt with hers without judging. She opens the file, planning to do the same. She's a fast reader, and proud of that after struggling for months, but this time she has to go back and reread some of it just to be sure it says what she thinks it says.]

[One thing she's not lacking in, at least when not severely pissed off, is empathy. Her face falls, and she rubs the base of her throat nervously.]

...holy crap you've toughed your way through a lot of Hell.

[Laura glances away for a moment, back to the table. Her mouth feels thick and sticky, but she's not sure if she can pick up the glass without shaking it right now.]

I want you to know that I understand. About your father. I forgave mine because there was something inside him that made him sick. That same something caused me to do horrible things to the people I loved, too.

[She folds her hands together on her lap.]

If I were you, though, I don't think I could ever forgive yours. There was no parasite twisting his mind and making him ill before he did what he did to you. I don't expect you to forgive him. It wouldn't be fair.

[She's not sure if Wanda would want her to call him "your father."]

You will need to come to some kind of peace with the hell he put you through, someday, but only for your own sake....so you can move on and live a life where he can't torment you anymore. He might not deserve that much, but more important than that is that you don't deserve to live that way, letting your memories of him hurt you at every turn. It will eat you alive. You need to put you first.

Edited 2012-11-19 07:25 (UTC)

[Wanda nods mutely as she stares down at the page in front of her. Hell yes, she can get how Laura would understand. She blinks several times, then closes the file and hands it back. There's a sort of baffled sympathy on her face.]

No. Magneto's evil comes from him. Yes, he's messed up from what was done to him, but so am I, and I don't go around breaking people. My brother I can kind of forgive because he's pretty damn brainwashed, but not him. He chose. He continues to choose. I am glad you don't want me to forgive him, because even if I forced my mind to accept that, it wouldn't stick. I've tried.

[She rubs her face.]

Once I get out of here I'm planning to spend a long period just...learning, and healing. Catching up on my education, all the dumb crap like driving a car and balancing a checkbook and getting to class on time. Maybe build some houses with my powers. Things like that. I guess some things, you know, like learning something or getting in better shape or getting your head together...just take time and effort.

You just shared a lot of personal stuff, but...there's one thing I gotta ask. It's OK if you don't feel like answering. But I'm a big one for worthy causes. Some Wardens are out to save someone or a group, or stop a disease, or build a charity. What are we working for besides my freedom?

You don't need to forgive him to move past what he did. In fact, if I expected you to forgive him, I'd be a pretty shitty warden. This is about your rehabilitation, and that shouldn't interfere with your graduation.

[Laura takes the file and sets it down on the table, beside her glass of water.]

I think your plans for the future are admirable. Start small, and take as much time as you need before you jump into something big. You'll be more well-adjusted for it, trust me.

As for my deal, you have every right to know what it is.

[She takes a deep breath.]

The thing that possessed my father, that wanted me for his next host, has taken the man who solved my murder. This isn't like it was for my father, where he only lost control part of the time. Agent Cooper is completely locked out of his own body, and...BOB...has access to all the privileges, resources and information at an FBI special agent's disposal.

[She thinks about this, really thinks about it. Then her expression softens.] Set a good man free and give that fucking bastard a kick in the ass? I...I could get behind that.

[Laura manages to smile at that. There's no destroying BOB, he's literally as old as time itself, but they can keep fighting him--Laura, and the other people from her world. Fight him, fend him off temporarily as best they can.]

I don't want you to feel like you need to rush this so I can get my deal. This is still about helping you.

No...I'll take the time I've gotta take. But things like this.... [she has to hunt for the right words for a few moments.]

...sometimes doing the right thing is the only thing that makes me feel right inside.

[Laura nods, empathetic.]

I understand completely. [That's part of the reason for the charity work.]

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004 - various filters and formats

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