[Her face darkens] Like that guy is in any position to judge anyone for anything ever. I think...and this is just out of my ass, so take it with a bigass boulder of salt if you want...I think that sometimes the best way to get back at people who hurt you is to figure out how to just shamelessly be whoever the fuck you are. It goes beyond "living well is the best revenge". People who hurt you keep winning if you carry the pain around. If you let it go, and just work on having a better life, you win.
Shy? That's cool, so am I. I mean, some people are overt about their sexuality, and it's cool that they can do that, but I'm still sorting myself out, so I'm just not that confident about it.
I mean, right now it's kind of a moot point because I don't date right now anyway. Nobody needs my baggage to that extent. Yeah, you and Steph and Gaheris and a bunch of my friends had to deal with it, and I gotta figure out a way to make it all up to you. But really what I want to do is get over...all this crap...so I can meet you guys again and be an actually good friend and stuff. Only then do I think I should be thinking about dating or being heavily social.
I just feel like I've got a million things to sort out in my life, and I can't figure out where to go to do it.
[She pauses at the admission of prostitution, and swallows a lump in her throat.] I can't judge. I just know I pushed myself into sex too soon because I was looking for protection, and that was hard enough to deal with.
I guess everybody's got memories that make them flinch when they think of them. Everybody interesting, anyway. But there's no damn point in being ashamed of yourself or beating yourself up. You just don't do those things anymore.
[She thinks about the incident with Gaheris.] I thought that he'd killed Gaheris. I've had the biggest crush on him ever since like two weeks after I met him, and...well, it was really vivid. I guess I got more of a dose than most people. But...
Murder is murder, even if the fucker deserves to die a hundred times. I didn't kill him not because he deserved to be spared, but because of who I am.
I don't forgive him. I forgive my brother for a lot of stuff, but I don't trust him, and I know he won't miss me. But even if I could somehow go home and make a life for myself, I'd have to heal first. I heard about that other Wanda Maximoff, you know. How she went crazy and hurt everyone. That can't be me.
Don't go to Twin Peaks? Okay. Sometimes I wonder if I should try for Middle Earth or something. You know, some place where high aspirations still count for something.
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sarken
(no subject)
Date: 2013-02-02 07:11 am (UTC)Shy? That's cool, so am I. I mean, some people are overt about their sexuality, and it's cool that they can do that, but I'm still sorting myself out, so I'm just not that confident about it.
I mean, right now it's kind of a moot point because I don't date right now anyway. Nobody needs my baggage to that extent. Yeah, you and Steph and Gaheris and a bunch of my friends had to deal with it, and I gotta figure out a way to make it all up to you. But really what I want to do is get over...all this crap...so I can meet you guys again and be an actually good friend and stuff. Only then do I think I should be thinking about dating or being heavily social.
I just feel like I've got a million things to sort out in my life, and I can't figure out where to go to do it.
[She pauses at the admission of prostitution, and swallows a lump in her throat.] I can't judge. I just know I pushed myself into sex too soon because I was looking for protection, and that was hard enough to deal with.
I guess everybody's got memories that make them flinch when they think of them. Everybody interesting, anyway. But there's no damn point in being ashamed of yourself or beating yourself up. You just don't do those things anymore.
[She thinks about the incident with Gaheris.] I thought that he'd killed Gaheris. I've had the biggest crush on him ever since like two weeks after I met him, and...well, it was really vivid. I guess I got more of a dose than most people. But...
Murder is murder, even if the fucker deserves to die a hundred times. I didn't kill him not because he deserved to be spared, but because of who I am.
I don't forgive him. I forgive my brother for a lot of stuff, but I don't trust him, and I know he won't miss me. But even if I could somehow go home and make a life for myself, I'd have to heal first. I heard about that other Wanda Maximoff, you know. How she went crazy and hurt everyone. That can't be me.
Don't go to Twin Peaks? Okay. Sometimes I wonder if I should try for Middle Earth or something. You know, some place where high aspirations still count for something.